Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
