I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
