So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
