the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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