i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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