you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
