Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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