either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
