Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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