when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
