Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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