JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
