Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
