Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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