he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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