I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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