she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
