I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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