Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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