Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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