I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
