this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
