My friends, they love my intelligence
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
