I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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