i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
