I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am puke
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
