He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
