I think i peed on brittanys purse
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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