Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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