If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
