is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
