Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
