I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
