My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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