I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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