he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
