I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
