She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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