And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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