Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
