Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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