omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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