i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you will always have a special place in my vag
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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