maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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