I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
vagina is talking i cant
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
