He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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