Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
