I wanna passion pit in your ass
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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