you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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