FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
