Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
