You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
