Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
