I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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