before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
