My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
