I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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