My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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