watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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