took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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