My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize