Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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