I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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