I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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