Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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