Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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