how can u be prego again
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
