I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
