please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
