shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
