Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i came on her dog
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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