I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
